When we graduated from high school, my parents told us their rules for adult children.
(1) If you attended school full time, they would pay for tuition and room and board, including living in their home rent free if you chose to go to a college nearby.
(2) If you attended school half time, they would pay for either tuition or room and board, but not both. You could choose which they paid for and which you paid for. Room and board in their home while attending school at least half time was $100 total.
(3) If you wanted to live at home while working or otherwise not going to school, rent was $100 a month and board was $100 a month.
There was also a secret rule that when you graduated from college, you got a check in the amount of all rent paid to them since high school graduation. You had to swear that you would never tell any younger siblings about the secret rule. I got a check for about $2000 which was a lot of money in 1982, and my brother, who had lived at home more than I did, got a check for $5000. I don't know what the rest got because by then I was out and supporting myself.
This was in 1977, so I imagine the prices would be higher if they were making the same deal with newly fledged adults in 2022. Not only did it not hurt us, it made us be intentional about the choices we made and helped prepare us for the day when we would be fully responsible for our own place to live and food to eat. Interestingly, for all the complaining we did about it at the time, similar deals were offered by all of us to all my parents' grandchildren when the time came.
In a low paying job at 17, my mom and stepfather said they would start charging me rent at 18. Hmmmm, what to do? I joined the U.S. Navy, clearly not the result she was looking for - but the best decision of my life.
I paid rent to live at home after college (if not college, would have been HS), and it did not hurt me or bother me at all. Still had to do chores. This motivates to become independent. I do not agree with giving it back when kid moves out. That isn’t real life.
I had this experience in 1980. My Mom and I moved in with my Grandmother after she became widowed. I was working my way through high school and was as self sufficient as a 17 year old could be. I contributed at home with chores and paid my own expenses. Gram actually asked for more money than I brought home after taxes. My Mom helped me pay the excess. Mom, who was recovering from a divorce, bought a home six months later. We moved into our little cottage home and expenses were shared. I was one of the first in my family to go to college. Even though Gram's delivery of why I needed to pay rent was an epic fail, (I received nothing back when we left Gram's house. I held no grudges, later in life, my Gram was my closest friend). Gram's experiment made me financially responsible. My Mom thought it was cruel. She didn't do anything like this for my siblings. They got to live at home for free. At the ages of 51 and 63, they are still very irresponsible on a fiscal level. My life lesson was a hard one learned, but it made me better off in the end. Kudos to Mom for giving a life lesson in a positive way.
Good Parenting? This is GREAT parenting. Also, what about utilities? My 18 year old know all about utilities, how to read the bill where to call for help, etc. He pays 1/6 of the mortgage and utilities (all we have is gas and electric) and here is the key. We have programmed them, since about age 12, that this day was coming, so it's not a surprise. Teach your children about living so they don't do something stupid like cohabitation. Also, I challenge people to find a place where the daughter in the article can live for 100 per month.....
Teaching your kids discipline always pays off in the long game. Most of us parents regret the lessons we never got around to teaching more than any lesson we did teach our kids.
Good parenting from so many perspectives. For starters, a kid starts to feel like they are contributing, not sponging. It also gives some basis for rights, not just responsibility. Which helps parents see their children as adults, not just children.
Interesting the number of your readers who see this as good parenting. The general public is probably less supportive. Likely a commentary on your readership, rather than the story itself. Responsible people tend to support encouraging responsibility. The irresponsible . . . perhaps less so.
Very good parenting! It’s not even about the money. $100/month is nothing compared to the $1000 or more she’ll pay out on her own. It’s about teaching independence. It’s about teaching that in the real world, you’re not entitled to a handout from “evil rich people”. Her daughter is being prepared for a life of success and will ultimately become a self-made millionaire if she just works hard and learns how to save and invest.
When I was 14, I took it upon myself to take on the neighborhood paper route for one of the two newspapers delivered there. I became friends with the boy who had the second, larger route, and a year later I took that over when he decided to quit while handing down the first route to my brother and sister. I did this because I wanted to alleviate some of the burden from my mom (we were living below the poverty line) and pay for my own clothes.
I’m far away from that paper route all those years ago, but hard work has continued to pay off throughout my life, and today I am completely debt free…no car loans, no credit card debt, no mortgage…nothing. Instead I’m on my way from growing up poor to becoming one of those greedy, evil rich people who is able to help people who are truly in need…not simply giving a handout to everyone who thinks they are entitled to it.
I believe in teaching the kids to be fiscally responsible and charging them rent is one way to do so.
My wife and I charged our son $200 per month rent during the time he lived with us and attended college. He had scholarships that more than paid his tuition, fees and books and had 2 jobs, so was able to afford to "help us" with the living expenses.
What he didn't know is that we were setting the rent money aside, so when he went on to grad school and wanted to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend, we gave him the money from the rent he had been paying, so he was able to buy the ring right away and didn't have to delay the his proposal.
This approach worked with our son. Each parent is suppose to know their own child and determine what works the best for him/her - there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
It should be more than $100. That is setting up unrealistic expectations IMO. And if she’s out of high school, not going to college - she should be working full time regardless and able to live with a roommate, which in this case is her mother.
Also, for all the comments saying her mother should be keeping the money aside for her--what makes everyone assume that she can afford that? It probably costs more than $100 to house the girl.
We treat our kids like children for too long and we are surprised when they don't act like adults. I think this is a good way of treating your kid like an adult. Doesn't mean its the best way but I think we could do with a lot more responsibility being handed to our kids earlier. If this is the first time the parent has done anything close to this then it might be a shock, but my assumption is this builds on and reinforces years of other responsibility and opportunity this mom has given her daughter.
You have to know your kids and have a sense of where they can be pushed and where their breaking points might be... no different than coaching a basketball team.
The purpose of parenting is to raise ADULTS, not to raise Children. Words are very important as they describe the goal. If you raise children, you get children in big bodies. If you raise Adults, you have people who are used to expectations, requirements, goals and responsibilities. Bonus points if the parent is financially able to rebate some or all of the rent to the child upon moving out within a reasonable period.
good parenting. bonus points if the $100 a month goes into an escrow account for her daughter when she’s ready to move out.
When we graduated from high school, my parents told us their rules for adult children.
(1) If you attended school full time, they would pay for tuition and room and board, including living in their home rent free if you chose to go to a college nearby.
(2) If you attended school half time, they would pay for either tuition or room and board, but not both. You could choose which they paid for and which you paid for. Room and board in their home while attending school at least half time was $100 total.
(3) If you wanted to live at home while working or otherwise not going to school, rent was $100 a month and board was $100 a month.
There was also a secret rule that when you graduated from college, you got a check in the amount of all rent paid to them since high school graduation. You had to swear that you would never tell any younger siblings about the secret rule. I got a check for about $2000 which was a lot of money in 1982, and my brother, who had lived at home more than I did, got a check for $5000. I don't know what the rest got because by then I was out and supporting myself.
This was in 1977, so I imagine the prices would be higher if they were making the same deal with newly fledged adults in 2022. Not only did it not hurt us, it made us be intentional about the choices we made and helped prepare us for the day when we would be fully responsible for our own place to live and food to eat. Interestingly, for all the complaining we did about it at the time, similar deals were offered by all of us to all my parents' grandchildren when the time came.
In a low paying job at 17, my mom and stepfather said they would start charging me rent at 18. Hmmmm, what to do? I joined the U.S. Navy, clearly not the result she was looking for - but the best decision of my life.
I paid rent to live at home after college (if not college, would have been HS), and it did not hurt me or bother me at all. Still had to do chores. This motivates to become independent. I do not agree with giving it back when kid moves out. That isn’t real life.
I had this experience in 1980. My Mom and I moved in with my Grandmother after she became widowed. I was working my way through high school and was as self sufficient as a 17 year old could be. I contributed at home with chores and paid my own expenses. Gram actually asked for more money than I brought home after taxes. My Mom helped me pay the excess. Mom, who was recovering from a divorce, bought a home six months later. We moved into our little cottage home and expenses were shared. I was one of the first in my family to go to college. Even though Gram's delivery of why I needed to pay rent was an epic fail, (I received nothing back when we left Gram's house. I held no grudges, later in life, my Gram was my closest friend). Gram's experiment made me financially responsible. My Mom thought it was cruel. She didn't do anything like this for my siblings. They got to live at home for free. At the ages of 51 and 63, they are still very irresponsible on a fiscal level. My life lesson was a hard one learned, but it made me better off in the end. Kudos to Mom for giving a life lesson in a positive way.
Good Parenting? This is GREAT parenting. Also, what about utilities? My 18 year old know all about utilities, how to read the bill where to call for help, etc. He pays 1/6 of the mortgage and utilities (all we have is gas and electric) and here is the key. We have programmed them, since about age 12, that this day was coming, so it's not a surprise. Teach your children about living so they don't do something stupid like cohabitation. Also, I challenge people to find a place where the daughter in the article can live for 100 per month.....
Teaching your kids discipline always pays off in the long game. Most of us parents regret the lessons we never got around to teaching more than any lesson we did teach our kids.
Good parenting from so many perspectives. For starters, a kid starts to feel like they are contributing, not sponging. It also gives some basis for rights, not just responsibility. Which helps parents see their children as adults, not just children.
Interesting the number of your readers who see this as good parenting. The general public is probably less supportive. Likely a commentary on your readership, rather than the story itself. Responsible people tend to support encouraging responsibility. The irresponsible . . . perhaps less so.
Very good parenting! It’s not even about the money. $100/month is nothing compared to the $1000 or more she’ll pay out on her own. It’s about teaching independence. It’s about teaching that in the real world, you’re not entitled to a handout from “evil rich people”. Her daughter is being prepared for a life of success and will ultimately become a self-made millionaire if she just works hard and learns how to save and invest.
When I was 14, I took it upon myself to take on the neighborhood paper route for one of the two newspapers delivered there. I became friends with the boy who had the second, larger route, and a year later I took that over when he decided to quit while handing down the first route to my brother and sister. I did this because I wanted to alleviate some of the burden from my mom (we were living below the poverty line) and pay for my own clothes.
I’m far away from that paper route all those years ago, but hard work has continued to pay off throughout my life, and today I am completely debt free…no car loans, no credit card debt, no mortgage…nothing. Instead I’m on my way from growing up poor to becoming one of those greedy, evil rich people who is able to help people who are truly in need…not simply giving a handout to everyone who thinks they are entitled to it.
The negative comments shows why we are screwed.
I believe in teaching the kids to be fiscally responsible and charging them rent is one way to do so.
My wife and I charged our son $200 per month rent during the time he lived with us and attended college. He had scholarships that more than paid his tuition, fees and books and had 2 jobs, so was able to afford to "help us" with the living expenses.
What he didn't know is that we were setting the rent money aside, so when he went on to grad school and wanted to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend, we gave him the money from the rent he had been paying, so he was able to buy the ring right away and didn't have to delay the his proposal.
This approach worked with our son. Each parent is suppose to know their own child and determine what works the best for him/her - there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
It should be more than $100. That is setting up unrealistic expectations IMO. And if she’s out of high school, not going to college - she should be working full time regardless and able to live with a roommate, which in this case is her mother.
Also, for all the comments saying her mother should be keeping the money aside for her--what makes everyone assume that she can afford that? It probably costs more than $100 to house the girl.
We treat our kids like children for too long and we are surprised when they don't act like adults. I think this is a good way of treating your kid like an adult. Doesn't mean its the best way but I think we could do with a lot more responsibility being handed to our kids earlier. If this is the first time the parent has done anything close to this then it might be a shock, but my assumption is this builds on and reinforces years of other responsibility and opportunity this mom has given her daughter.
You have to know your kids and have a sense of where they can be pushed and where their breaking points might be... no different than coaching a basketball team.
The purpose of parenting is to raise ADULTS, not to raise Children. Words are very important as they describe the goal. If you raise children, you get children in big bodies. If you raise Adults, you have people who are used to expectations, requirements, goals and responsibilities. Bonus points if the parent is financially able to rebate some or all of the rent to the child upon moving out within a reasonable period.